Today, I learned a bit more about how much I don’t know. Including how I profess reverence for time, then fritter and waste the hours in an off-hand way. Leave it to my best friend and accountability partner to call me on my BS. So, here I am, ready to produce this report, to tell on myself, like they do in AA.
This morning (this is not a complaint) I woke up to more than the normal pain in my knees, specifically, my left knee had me nearly in tears when I got out of bed. Bravely trying to “work it out” I did several sets of squats with no weights. Thinking if I could get things moving, maybe the pain would subside enough to allow me the luxury of another workout at the gym. Alas, that plan failed miserably, and my misery persists. One upside about this pain, however, is I’ve found a place that sells CBD-based pain relief products. And they work!
With enough relief from the pain, I did manage to mix up a dirt cocktail suitable for planting two Plectranthus Mona Lavender plants under the tree that now stands upright, after it had fallen over during inclement weather many weeks ago. Having intended to photo-journal that task, I’m sorry I don’t have photos to share as I write this, but I’ll take a few pictures tomorrow and add them. Why I thought I should risk additional pain with a bum knee, again, I don’t know. But by the time I was done, my back was hurting too. It seems like this would have been a good day to just stay in bed.
I didn’t stay in bed early on, and it seemed to me that I had earned a nap, so I gave up a couple of hours to that idea. Watching the market rip up to new highs without me was kind of depressing too, so I’ve decided to devote some time to studying something called “market profile” to see if there is a major missing piece to my thinking about how the futures markets move. This post seems to have a recurring theme and I’m guessing the markets do, too.
I’m missing my BFF, as she is busy with her business this time of year. But, I did have a nice conversation with another friend in the desert and I got a lovely text message from another. Comfort seems to come around at exactly the right time, sometimes.
Have I worn out the word, time, yet? Perhaps it is time to quit. Maybe a work of fiction or some poetry would be a better use of my time this evening. Again, I don’t know. But, I’m done.
If you are like me when you hear the word, “Houston….” your mind immediately finishes with, “…we have a problem.” The actual words are “Houston, we’ve had a problem.” The past perfect sounds so much better to me. Contrast those five words, starkly and ever more darkly, with these four, spoken to me by a dear friend, “The Challenger has exploded.” And, I’m fighting back tears as I write this because it still hurts.
Why I’m writing:
Reading Mark Manson’s book, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”, I’ve come to a chapter titled, “Happiness Comes from Solving Problems.” Course correction is a kind of constant problem-solving exercise and it should be beneficial to anyone who is on a journey. Seeing myself as being on a journey that is my life, and constantly seeking guidance (and growth) along the way, I count that as success. If you believe success leads to happiness, you may have it backward. Happiness leads to success. If you ever feel as if you’ve arrived, begin again. Reinventing yourself is the easiest way to create new problems.
For me, being on this journey is success. Ending my travels would be, well, the end for me.
Looking back at where I’ve been and gleaning insight from things in my past (especially found solutions and unsolved problems) helps me remember to leave the pain behind and keep the lessons.
Thinking that I’m often perfect just as I am in the present allows me to sleep well.
Knowing there are new problems to solve, and there is progress to be made in the near and distant future wakes me up.
All is well.
You may recall the problem reported to Houston was solved, and the problem with the Challenger lives on in my spirit and in my heart. The serenity prayer comes to mind as I realize I’ve come to accept the pain. The pain of being a “Highly Sensitive Person” is not a problem, wanting to not be that would create one. A lesson may be that giving a f*ck about every single minute detail is important to space travel, but it may not be so for your walk through life. “Let it go” comes up often along the way.
My sister gave me a book with this title. And I thought my vocabulary was already quite good, until I opened to the first page and found that I had never heard of the word, “abaft.” It is the second entry on the first page, right after abacus, which I suppose I could use to count how many words I’ve never seen are in this book!
: a member of the French secular clergy in major or minor orders —used as a title
So, yes, there may be little use for these new words in everyday conversation, but that is not the point. What I’m saying is that I didn’t expect to find many words in this little book that I didn’t already know. And now I’m wondering just how much I don’t know. That stinks!
I am usually clear about how the more I know the more I understand how much I don’t know. But I was not expecting to have to take that lesson again from this little book. Full disclosure, it had belonged to my mother, and was left to my oldest sister, and now I have it. I have this book, along with a 2nd edition of “China Flight” by Pearl S. Buck.
I’ll write more about this later. And I’m going to catalog every formerly unknown word in this little lexicon. Another labor of love this will be.
Spoiler alert, the stars have been aligned for some time. And yet, we know, if we trust observation and science, that they are constantly moving toward new alignment.
There is always a bit of research to support that point:
From National Geographic –
Even now the universe is expanding, and to astronomers’ surprise, the pace of expansion is accelerating. It’s thought that this acceleration is driven by a force that repels gravity called dark energy. We still don’t know what dark energy is, but it’s thought that it makes up 68 percent of the universe’s total matter and energy. Dark matter makes up another 27 percent. In essence, all the matter you’ve ever seen—from your first love to the stars overhead—makes up less than five percent of the universe.
The key phrases there are, “It’s thought that” and “We still don’t know.” Then they add percentages because math makes their assumption seem ever more likely to be true. Truthiness, anyone?
So, let’s just make stuff up, or guess in a scientific way. The people will have to believe us, because we’ll use math and sciency-sounding words like hypothesis and theory. If you refuse to agree with our theories, we will label you heretic, and regard you as uneducated or ill-informed. Somehow, the word “pontificate” comes to mind!
Freedom of choice allows you to decide on astrology or astronomy. If you want to believe that your life is predetermined by the position of stars in the sky, at birth, or at whatever time mercury is in retrograde, you are free to do so. If you want to study astronomy so you’ll know the position of Halley’s comet relative to constellations or other celestial bodies, you can do that, too.
You may also wish to consider phrases like “star-crossed lovers” and ponder the fate of Romeo and Juliet had things been just slightly different in the night sky. Seriously, now, if you don’t see what I’m saying, let me just say this:
If you stay up late, look up and enjoy the night sky. On a clear night, the starlight can be so inspiring. If you get up early, as I most often do, look up and enjoy the wonder of a new day under a starlit sky. Either way, you are free to completely dismiss any influence science or belief systems have had on your understanding of beauty as you see it.
One last thing, in case you are lost. For centuries, explorers have used the position of stars to understand where they are or where they are going. You may wish to consider this carefully as you make your way in the world.
That is the noun, and the adjective is placable. If you are feeling angry, uptight, out of sorts, perhaps today’s word just doesn’t apply to you and your situation. It is my wish for you to somehow find equanimity, as I wish you peace.
In the past, I’ve been the kind of person who might take some time to cool down. With a bit of work and an attitude adjustment, I came to realize that holding that heat was akin to saying “No, I’m fine with my rage, and my elevated blood pressure, and my willingness to snap at the next person who speaks to me.” Does that sound insane to you? There were times when I actually had to try to remember what had mad me so mad, like I was just looking for a reason to stay miserable for as long as possible. Crazy, right?
If you see yourself in any of that, just ask yourself one question. What do I want to have happen next? Follow that with this one. What can I do or say to make that happen? It gets easier with practice. And, that’s just it. It is a practice. Your placability will improve as a result. At least it has for me – it has led to a higher level of equanimity. I’ve been known to say, “You can’t hurt me.” It’s not a tough guy thing. It is a knowing that my response is my responsibility. What does it mean to be placable?
I’ve heard this word and may have even said it once or twice, but I’ve never written it and today it came up in my Toastmasters meeting. I’m writing this late – very late – to meet my word-a-day requirement and put in the work. I’ll do some make up work tomorrow as penance.