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Three of Three


Photo by Echo Grid on Unsplash

Photo by Echo Grid on Unsplash

You notice the difference in a quarterflash.

Above these paragraphs is a post I drafted in 2020. How it was never published, I don’t know. Wasting time writing something on my blog without sharing it seems like a sin to me.

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Today, I learned a bit more about how much I don’t know. Including how I profess reverence for time, then fritter and waste the hours in an off-hand way. Leave it to my best friend and accountability partner to call me on my BS. So, here I am, ready to produce this report, to tell on myself, like they do in AA.

This morning (this is not a complaint) I woke up to more than the normal pain in my knees, specifically, my left knee had me nearly in tears when I got out of bed. Bravely trying to “work it out” I did several sets of squats with no weights. Thinking if I could get things moving, maybe the pain would subside enough to allow me the luxury of another workout at the gym. Alas, that plan failed miserably, and my misery persists. One upside about this pain, however, is I’ve found a place that sells CBD-based pain relief products. And they work!

With enough relief from the pain, I did manage to mix up a dirt cocktail suitable for planting two Plectranthus Mona Lavender plants under the tree that now stands upright, after it had fallen over during inclement weather many weeks ago. Having intended to photo-journal that task, I’m sorry I don’t have photos to share as I write this, but I’ll take a few pictures tomorrow and add them. Why I thought I should risk additional pain with a bum knee, again, I don’t know. But by the time I was done, my back was hurting too. It seems like this would have been a good day to just stay in bed.

I didn’t stay in bed early on, and it seemed to me that I had earned a nap, so I gave up a couple of hours to that idea. Watching the market rip up to new highs without me was kind of depressing too, so I’ve decided to devote some time to studying something called “market profile” to see if there is a major missing piece to my thinking about how the futures markets move. This post seems to have a recurring theme and I’m guessing the markets do, too.

I’m missing my BFF, as she is busy with her business this time of year. But, I did have a nice conversation with another friend in the desert and I got a lovely text message from another. Comfort seems to come around at exactly the right time, sometimes.

Have I worn out the word, time, yet? Perhaps it is time to quit. Maybe a work of fiction or some poetry would be a better use of my time this evening. Again, I don’t know. But, I’m done.

Houston

Houston


Houston Mission Control 1970

If you are like me when you hear the word, “Houston….” your mind immediately finishes with, “…we have a problem.” The actual words are “Houston, we’ve had a problem.” The past perfect sounds so much better to me. Contrast those five words, starkly and ever more darkly, with these four, spoken to me by a dear friend, “The Challenger has exploded.” And, I’m fighting back tears as I write this because it still hurts.

Why I’m writing:

Reading Mark Manson’s book, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”, I’ve come to a chapter titled, “Happiness Comes from Solving Problems.” Course correction is a kind of constant problem-solving exercise and it should be beneficial to anyone who is on a journey. Seeing myself as being on a journey that is my life, and constantly seeking guidance (and growth) along the way, I count that as success. If you believe success leads to happiness, you may have it backward. Happiness leads to success. If you ever feel as if you’ve arrived, begin again. Reinventing yourself is the easiest way to create new problems.

For me, being on this journey is success. Ending my travels would be, well, the end for me.

  • Looking back at where I’ve been and gleaning insight from things in my past (especially found solutions and unsolved problems) helps me remember to leave the pain behind and keep the lessons.

  • Thinking that I’m often perfect just as I am in the present allows me to sleep well.

  • Knowing there are new problems to solve, and there is progress to be made in the near and distant future wakes me up.

    All is well.

You may recall the problem reported to Houston was solved, and the problem with the Challenger lives on in my spirit and in my heart. The serenity prayer comes to mind as I realize I’ve come to accept the pain. The pain of being a “Highly Sensitive Person” is not a problem, wanting to not be that would create one. A lesson may be that giving a f*ck about every single minute detail is important to space travel, but it may not be so for your walk through life. “Let it go” comes up often along the way.

Back to the idea posited by Manson, on happiness, I’ve been a problem solver for so long, I should be overjoyed by now! Enter “Disappointment Panda” – who says, the solution to a problem creates a new problem. So, simply, if you always have problems to solve, you will always be happy.